First Impressions
by Hyuuga Kirine
Summary: First impressions accounted for little in a ninja village, since underestimating or overestimating a ninja opponent could get you killed. This story explains why missing nins should never EVER laugh at pink haired shinobi. revised. oneshot


**Warning:** out-of-character-ness for some characters; barely noticeable hint of yaoi (male/male pairing), if you can find it; few curse words; some violence

* * *

Tsunade looked down at the pale-haired shinobi cowering underneath her desk. 

First impressions accounted for little in a ninja village, since underestimating or overestimating a ninja opponent could get you killed. Had the Godaime Hokage been prone to judging strangers based on first appearances, then she would have dismissed the man in front of her as a blithering idiot. It was a good thing she didn't; otherwise, she would have thrown the idiot out of her window, what with the mood that she was in right now. It was also a good thing that she already knew who the man was.

Squeezed in the corner underneath her desk, single eye darting about like a madman's and hugging his knees to his chest, was Hatake Kakashi.

"Kakashi," she addressed the man. She eyed the limited space the jounin was cramped in. How, by the Kyuubi's nine tails, did the man fit in there with his 5'11'' frame? Granted, the man was pretty slender, but **still**.

The white-haired man looked up at her. He seemed to have calmed down at the sound of her voice. "Yes, Godaime-sama?" he asked.

_Maybe he's using a jutsu_, Tsunade mused. _Some obscure jutsu that squeezes the user's body so that he or she can fit in any space. Makes sense, considering that he possesses quite an impressive arsenal of jutsu_.

"What the hell are you doing there? No, before you answer that, get out from underneath my desk first. I'm supposed to be looking at some requisition papers from the council," she ordered. Tsunade glanced at the stack of papers on her desk. At least Kakashi hadn't messed them up; if he had, then she wouldn't have bothered with being nice and just chucked him out of the room.

The feared Sharingan user shook his head frantically. The wild-eyed look returned, accompanied with hyperventilating. "I – I can't, Hokage-sama. Don't make me leave the safety of your desk, please!" he pleaded.

Tsunade frowned and quelled the urge to pull out her blonde hair by the roots. Kakashi was a good jounin, always came through in missions, and always cared for his teammates. Therefore, she would give him the patience he deserved. "What have you done this time?" she asked, keeping in mind that he deserved patience, although she couldn't keep the note of exasperation from her voice.

A sudden thought occurred to her. "Been playing with your kids again?"

By kids, she meant the teenagers that had been assigned to Kakashi when they were mere genins. The loud ramen-lover, the angst-ridden avenger, and the medic-nin with the schizophrenic tendencies. Four years had already passed since they were assigned to Kakashi, but "kids" was sometimes a better term to call them.

"You have to help me, Godaime-sama. Sakura – she's on a ram-"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

_That_, Tsunade thought,_ was quite possibly the most inhuman sound I have ever heard in my entire life, Orochimaru's giggles excluded_.

The shriek rang out throughout the whole of Konoha, halting every ninja and civilian within its walls. But the sound waves didn't stop there. They continued, rushing over the famed giant trees of Konoha, gliding over glistening water and rolling hills until they reached a certain village.

* * *

_**Hidden Sound Village, in a dark room**_

"Ku ku ku ku k-"

The heinous laughter was cut short by the same shriek heard by the Konoha villagers.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Orochimaru paused his evil plotting and exchanged glances with Yakushi Kabuto, who was obediently polishing his superior's shoes.

The two sound-nins shrugged and returned to their tasks. Orochimaru started chuckling evilly again while Kabuto rubbed furiously at a white spot on his superior's dark shoes (1).

_And the Leaf's inhabitants call the Sound villagers crazy_, Orochimaru thought with a roll of his eyes. _Damn hypocrites_.

* * *

_**Hidden Leaf Village, back in the Hokage's office**_

"God," Tsunade groaned. "Hatake, what the hell did you do to her this time to make her screech like that?"

The feared Copy Cat ninja started trembling. "It wasn't my fault, I swear," he insisted, "it was supposed to be for Naruto and Sasuke! But that damn dobe – er, I mean idiot – went and ruined everything!"

The two paused when loud thuds and stomps became audible through the thick walls of the office. His eye widened comically. He threw himself at the woman's feet and latched on to her legs with the desperation of a man about to be sent to the gallows.

"Please, oh please, Hokage-sama! Send me anywhere, to the Sand, to the Mist, or even to the Sound!" Kakashi wailed. "Anywhere, as long as I'm far, far away from her!"

Too late. Tsunade blinked when the door slammed open, revealing an enraged, pink-haired – no, wait…

The old (although she would never admit it) woman's mouth dropped open as she took in the sight of an enraged Haruno Sakura sporting _neon-green_ hair. Behind her was Uzumaki Naruto, laughing his ass off. Uchiha Sasuke stood beside the blond, wearing a smirk that threatened to become a wide grin.

"Hokage-sama," the young kunoichi greeted her with a sweet smile, "where is my lazy-ass, perverted, poor excuse for a former jounin sensei?"

Tsunade pointed to the white-haired ninja, who had retreated to the safety of her desk, and was now clutching his hair. Her eyes were still fixated on the painfully blinding colour that covered Sakura's head. At least the pink hadn't been this bright.

Kakashi, noticing the Sannin's outstretched finger, bolted from his position and jumped through the window. Well, he _attempted_ to jump through the window.

Before he made contact with the glass, two different hands caught his flak vest, and pulled him back. Hard. The result was a Hatake plastered all over the wall opposite of the window.

Naruto and Sasuke grinned at their former sensei's back. Originally, they didn't want to get involved in this. But when they found out that the hair dye was supposed to be for them, they conveniently forgot that the hair dye went to Sakura instead, and plotted along with her. After, of course, they laughed their asses off at seeing a green-haired Sakura.

"Oh no, my poor Kakashi-sensei," the medic-nin chuckled evilly (like a certain sannin). "You're not escaping that easily."

Dropping her evil leer and replacing it with a smile, she turned to the sniggering pair beside her. "Boys, if you could please tie him up. You can drag him along to our destination. And no," her sweet smile once again turned malicious, "you don't have to be gentle."

Tsunade shivered at the younger medic-nin's tone. Oddly enough, that tone reminded her of a certain evil sannin. But that didn't make sense. _She_ had trained Sakura, not Orochimaru. So shouldn't Sasuke be the only one capable of using that tone?

Ignoring the wails of "TRAITOR!" from Kakashi, the blonde woman turned to the teenage girl. "Sakura?"

The kunoichi turned to the older woman and dropped the malicious smile. (_Oh yes, that smile definitely belongs to Orochimaru_.) An innocent smile once again graced her features. "Yes, Hokage-sama?"

The blonde shook her head free of any Orochimaru-related thoughts and cleared her throat. "Your sensei is one of Konoha's best jounin." She levelled a glare at the girl, but it didn't affect Sakura's saccharine smile. "Don't break him to the point that he can't accept a mission afterwards."

"Don't worry, Hokage-sama," Sakura chirped. Behind her, the two boys voiced their agreement. The prankster they were dragging along shrieked and tried to use Nawanuke no Jutsu (2), but the blond boy quickly rendered his hands useless with rope. Sasuke pulled out a piece of cloth from his pocket and jammed it into his former sensei's mouth.

The door clicked shut behind them, a complete opposite as to how it had opened several minutes ago. Silence settled over the room and its single occupant. It was broken with the rustle of cloth as Tsunade moved to sit in the chair behind her desk.

She opened a drawer and fished around for one of her prized possessions. She held it up to the rays of the sun filtering in from the window. Held in the path of the rays, the bottle of sake glimmered and cast a myriad of colours on the walls of the room. Tsunade tugged the cork out from the bottle's mouth and took a long, healthy swig.

She governed a nation full of crazy inhabitants. Drinking would give her liver poisoning, which would give her an excuse to get out of this position. She had been crazy to accept the status of the Fifth Fire Shadow. What had she been thinking, throwing herself in with this lot?

Orochimaru was right in leaving this village. He knew that he would become more insane the longer he stayed here.

* * *

_**Hidden Sound Village, in a dark room**_

"Ow!"

Kabuto looked up from his task, which was recopying his master's evil notes. Scrolls burn easily when not warded properly, and even though his Orochimaru-sama, the greatest ninja in the universe, was a master at warding, one can never have too many copies.

"Orochimaru-sama?"

"I bit my tongue," the snake sannin said. Orochimaru poked out his incredibly long tongue and twisted it. Satisfied that there were no cuts on it, he rolled it back into his mouth. "Someone was talking about me."

"Probably those crazy Konoha ninja. They never did learn to keep their mouths shut," Kabuto suggested.

"You're probably right," Orochimaru agreed. He pushed all thoughts about crazy Konoha ninja away from his mind and started daydreaming about the day his beloved Sasuke will return to him, while Kabuto went back to his copying.

_Once I retrieve my beautiful Sasuke-chan back, I will proceed to seduce him. He will not be able to resist my charms! And then I will have the wonderful Sharingan, and I, Orochimaru, will be the strongest ninja around!

* * *

_

­­­­­

_**Fire Country, somewhere in the forest**_

The missing-nin Shinigawa Takeshi jumped from tree branch to tree branch, senses alert and telling him that he needed to get out of there **right now**. Unfortunately, someone kept using genjutsu to divert him from the escape path. Now he was just running circles in this damn forest.

A presence made itself known to his right, forcing him to stop. He tensed and took out a kunai and three shuriken. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead. No matter what, he was going down fighting!

The unknown Leaf shinobi stepped forward from the shadows, dropped into a stance, and started making hand seals. From his hand came an unearthly white light. Takeshi's hair on the back of his neck stood as he heard an equally unearthly sound. The chirping of a thousand birds filled the clearing. _Oh no_, Takeshi thought, as the identity of his killer dawned upon him.

He would have the honour of being killed by Konoha's famous Copy Cat Ninja. Hatake Kakashi, one of the few remaining users of the Sharingan. He'd fought with the man before. Rather thin, tall, and the famous Hatake...white...hair...

Takeshi paused. What the shadows hid, the light revealed. For as the famous shinobi walked forward, a beam of sunshine fell on his figure, revealing the visage of his killer. The rogue ninja's mouth fell open as he took in the sight of Hatake Kakashi, Chidori blazing in one hand, with _neon pink hair_.

And Shinigawa Takeshi, although raised never to judge a book by its cover, started laughing. He dropped his weapons and laughed until his stomach hurt and tears ran down his face. He knew that laughing in the face of an opponent, especially a strong one, was a no-no, but fuck it, the pink hair...

Takeshi was laughing so hard that he did not notice the blazing chakra punch through his chest.

Kakashi sniffed and looked at Shinigawa's corpse. Honestly. You'd think that after living in a ninja village you'd drop the habit of judging a person based on appearances. And even though the missing-nin recognized who he was, he _still_ dropped his guard.

First impressions indeed.

* * *

Author's Notes:

- Plural Japanese words do not end with "s". They use adjectives to distinguish between singular and plural words.

(1) - The author is well aware that Orochimaru uses sandals, which are not polish-able. For humour's sake, excuse the use of shoes as footwear for Orochimaru.

(2) – Rope Escape Jutsu


End file.
